


Vision

by Louhime



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, One Shot, Terminal Illnesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-31
Updated: 2013-10-31
Packaged: 2017-12-31 02:48:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,075
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1026380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Louhime/pseuds/Louhime
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The hospital scene, Scully and Mulder. Mulder watches his partner fade. And contemplates why.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vision

**Author's Note:**

> A little sad, anyone who has watched the show knows what goes on in the scene, anyone who hasn't well it has a happy ending in the end. The show doesn't belong to me just my interpretation of a scene. For my Papa.

 

Looking at her curled on her side, looking so small, so fragile in that big white bed, I felt my soul crack. I did this, she was, _infected_ , by that disease and it was killing her, right there, right in front of me. So slowly I would never see it, until one day those beautiful eyes would never open and that fierce soul, that driving purpose would be lost, to the darkness forever. It was a killer I couldn’t find and couldn’t stop, the only thing I could do, the only action that _thing_ inside her head would let me do was to sit uselessly by her side, watching as her faith in me killed her from the inside out.

With every passing moment I could feel that ragged crack deepen and widen, an all encompassing ache behind my ribs.

I could see her, the small girl she used to be, delicate and dreaming big. The woman she was before me, a strange mix of fragility and strength, a scientist who believed in something she could never truly prove existed. And the future she could have had, children, nieces and nephews, and growing old gracefully with the one she pledged her love and loyalty to, a man she deserved. The future, my obsessions and blind pursuit of things just out of my reach, took from her.

Seeing her like that made me realise how much she had given up, to be here with me, how much I had taken from her. I was responsible for her sister's death, her sterility and now I was taking her life.

Her life was my bright spark in the darkness. Her endless light was the only thing that kept me grounded and sane and was the one thing I couldn’t see my life without. All those years alone what kept me from falling, I couldn't remember. I didn't want to remember.

The sight before me burnt into my heart like nothing before, her too pale skin, looking less like porcelain and more like an over starched sheet, her unmarked skin missing that glow, that light that made her Scully. Her eyes, so damn expressive and once so full of strength and endless determination and _life_ now reduced to sunken hollow glass, the only thing I could see reflected there was fear and so much pain.

I could see the strength leaving her, not just from her muscles but her energy, her vitality. And it hurt, more than I thought I could feel, she was fading and there wasn't a thing I could do to stop it. Not one damn thing.

To my eyes, my foolish blind eyes, eyes that never saw beyond the next sighting or tall tale of abduction, were suddenly, horribly and irreversibly open. She was losing her battle. I was going to lose her forever and every thing she ever stood for. Her cool unshakable logic, her gentle fiercely guarded heart, her unwavering confidence and determination. Her faith in me. 

Each passing minute sitting by her bedside hammered the truth through my thick skull. I was losing her and I was all my fault. If only I could have put down the obsession with little green men and looked around. If only I could have seen what was happening in front of me, I might have been able to help save her. 

When her brother was present, she put on her most convincing disguise. A brave smile that my newly opened eyes could see crumble and flake around the edge. No one else could see the blind panic of leaving her family, of dying, of never living her dreams, so poorly concealed but I saw it all and it forced that ache higher and wider and deeper, I could feel the howl pressing against my throat.

Her family never saw through her defense's, her last stab in the dark to keep her family together. To keep them from seeing how scared she was to make them see her as the indomitable fearless Scully.  To give them piece of mind.

Even when she was dying, when she had the right to be selfish she still cared for her family and I knew she would do so right to the bitter end. So looking upon her in that crisp white bed I wondered what her future could have been without me. A life filled with adventure, with love, with that huge family I knew she'd always dreamed of having but never talked about.

I could see a vision of that Scully, aged a little but still completely captivating, with the warmth back in her smile. No terrors in the night to reach for her. She stood proud and strong with peace and love in her eyes, making them out shine any diamond, any jewel. With such vitality in her skin and contentment in her face, arms wrapped lovingly around a precious bundle, a small hand reaching, grasping for the glittering cross around her neck. I could see her surrounded by children, all a small part of her. Scully caught in their smile or the curve of a brow, but each one a large part of her heart.

I could see it all so clearly, so clear it could have been a memory. That vision broke the seal I had on all that pain, my own and hers, all that longing and those dreams, my futile hope of love. I lowered myself towards to the floor when I felt my knees giving way beneath me, and all that emotion, all the terror she went through, all the anger and hate left me in a silent scream.

Ripping its way out of my overburdened heart and burning eyes, trying to exorcise the hole that my life had become.

Why did they chose her, the one person I would willing give my very soul to save from pain or sadness. Why was she condemned to die whilst all her loved ones watched. Only one thing was left as the scream tore its way out of me, and that was a burning determination, a fiery wrath, growing beneath my ribs.

The smoking man would scream his last breath, if she died. No one would stop me from ripping those murderers apart with my fingers if need be, I would find a way to save her even if I had to give up everything I had, my job, my life. 

Even my sister. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, kudos if you liked it or ya'know for kicks, and my sense of achievement. Whatever :D Go forth and read some brilliant work of this sites authors, they are fabulous. This was my very first on this site and on ff.net... I hope you liked it.


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